Have you ever been out on a date and stared at them thinking "I can't wait to NEVER see you again...". Like all you want is to pour yourself a glass of red and settle into the couch? No, just me? Well for those of you who have experienced something similar, you may just be in a dating rut! Here were 5 good indicators that I needed to recharge my dating life:
1) Dating Feels Like Work
While sometimes dating is literally the worst, it really shouldn’t feel like a full-time job. Dating should be fun, an opportunity to meet new people and build new connections- even if those connections are in the friend zone. Often times we put so much “work” into finding potential bae’s it takes the fun out of it all. If your dating life keeps you as busy as your full-time job or you have a schedule you are doing too much!
Remedy: give yourself a break! Log out of your dating profile for a week, shut down the prowl mode and just go out and have fun. Seriously. Just live your normal life. Go to the gym and focus on YOUR form, not the guy next to you. Hit a restaurant with your friends and not to check out the women at the next table. Focus on enjoying yourself and allow your genuine spirit to draw someone in.
2) It Feels Fake
You’re at dinner and you find yourself telling the same anecdote, reciting the same stories and asking the same questions. Maybe you are just going through the motions or following what the latest relationship book says we should focus on (remember Steve Harvey's emphasis on knowing his long term goals, short term goals, five year plan…?). Remedy: Put all that away and live in the moment! Really listen to what your date is telling you. In fact you may find the answers to your questions in a more subtle way from the things he/she talks about and shares with you.
3) Taking it Too Seriously
Yes, of course we all want to settle down and find someone to share our lives with, but it’s not that serious that we allow ourselves to stop having fun. Is your list of deal breakers making NO ONE eligible? If he hasn’t asked to be exclusive by date three do you cut him off? Are you signed into so many dating apps you can’t keep straight which one she is? STOP. Dating should not be a numbers game of the more you go on the quicker you’ll find your love, or bound to a calendar of being single for too long or needing to reach a goal by a certain time. Trust me when I tell you nothing, NOTHING, happens before it’s time. What is meant for you will be yours.
4) You LOST Me at Hello
Listen…I only write about things that I know so I can admit I have been guilty of this: Judging your date within the first moments of meeting. Maybe they showed up dressed all wrong, they weren’t as cute as their pic, or they mispronounced fois gras (seriously you shouldn’t be eating fois gras on the first date anyway, lol). Whatever it is, we are all human! Give them a break. Style can be upgraded, and you can learn to be a foodie together (a great way to bond and grow your relationship!). Of course physical attraction is huge but so is having a kind heart, being a genuinely caring person, ambition, love, smarts, humour, the list goes on. Just pause for a minute and open your mind to getting to know your date a little more. Who knows what hidden gem is in there. And if the first date wasn’t fireworks but wasn’t tragedy either, I’d say give a second date a chance. If things still don’t pick up then at least you can say you really did try!
5) Bad Date Cycle
You’ve made it through another date night and this was like all the rest: he/she was an absolute disaster! You genuinely gave it a chance but your date was exhibiting some behaviours that were deal breakers (rude/misogynist/lack of manners to name a few). If this seems to be happening on repeat, maybe it’s you?…Of course I mean that in the nicest way possible. There is nothing wrong with you in particular, just that you are choosing pretty crappy people. Maybe it’s dating fatigue. Maybe it’s being TOO open. Remedy this by taking a pause (see #1) and focusing on yourself. When YOU feel good, take a minute to think about what you are really looking for in a partner. Not the final outcome. Not the IBM. Not the Stepford Wifey. What are your interests. What are the core values that are important to you. Once you’ve centred yourself then dive back in!
A dating rut can be super discouraging and once you get into it, it’s often hard to get out as we throw more good energy after bad. Really stepping away to reset has helped me in the past. Even when that meant telling friends I wasn’t ready to be setup, or not pursuing the cutie who just passed me on the street. What have you done in the past to recharge your dating life? Or if you are in a rut now, what is keeping you there? Let’s Chat!