Happy New Year Melanin! Hope you enjoyed the holiday festivities and are all looking forward to a happy, prosperous and love filled 2016.
I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, but nothing wrong with setting some goals for the New Year and one that I would like to see is to make 2016 the year of Black Love! So in honor of starting fresh and accomplishing this goal, we put together a list of things to leave in 2015:
1) “Black men aren’t checking for us black women”/“Black women aren’t checking for black men”
Let’s stop this brainwashing that black women aren’t desirable or that black men only make the grade if they are 6’9” tall and making six-figures otherwise they are overlooked. Although the media would have us all believe that black men only want to date anything other than a black woman (and trust, I have encountered these men as well so by no means am saying they don’t exist), the overwhelming majority of black men are dating and marrying black women. In fact the 2014 US census bureau has reported that 86% of married black men are married to a black woman. The same goes for the ladies; statistically black women date outside of their race at a lower rate than black men however 94% of married black women are married to black men. Let’s stop the madness!!
2) “You should just love whoever you want”
I feel like this comes almost always as a disclaimer to point #1. Look: Promoting black love does not mean anyone is judging those who date outside of their race or are products of interracial relationships. Further to that this disclaimer feels just as tacky as #alllivesmatter. When a white woman strictly dates white men, or a person of Asian or Indian decent only dates their own no one takes notice, but the idea that a black man and black woman would strictly prefer to date their own somehow ruffles feathers. Let’s not buy into the system of destruction of the black family by even feeling the need to defend the choice of black love or for promoting black love in a society which is doing the most to convince us, and others, that it doesn’t exist.
3) "There are no good black men/women left"
2016 is a good time to take a look at your thought processes and expectations. What do you consider a “good” partner? Do they have to be the “baddest b*tch”? Does he need to be on Wall Street or pushing a Benz? Maybe the good woman is volunteering at your church or the good man is working on the construction site. Ignoring what the media is pumping down our throats as “black success” may help widen the scope of who fits into the “good” category. Further, you need to ensure you are at a place to receive a good person. Often what is good is labelled as boring or basic and quickly friend-zoned. Check your priorities and figure out if you are really ready for what you think you are asking for.
4) The “List”
Further to the above, it’s time to leave our lists behind. This goes for both the men and the women. Definitely HAVE standards and criteria of what you need in a partner. Are they God-fearing (if that is important to you), are they family oriented, does their ambition match yours? A college degree is nice but maybe they have an entrepreneurial spirit that will make them more successful than the rest of us still paying off our student loans. Does your partner need to have a certain body type, hair length or complexion? Let go of what we have fantasized as ideals and our dating pool becomes much larger. And be realistic…are you offering as much as you are asking for?
5) "They’re all the same."
Who’s “they”?? Stop carrying the sins of previous partners into new relationships. Take the lessons that have been learned from past experiences, good or bad, and use those to help guide you and to know what you want or will or won’t accept, but don’t assume that one bad person makes them all bad. If you see clear warning signs, heed them, but don’t take everything as a sign that he/she is just like the last one.
Let's all ditch these tired thoughts and focus on rebuilding our community. Today is day 1 of 366 opportunities to build, celebrate and receive beautiful black love. Make this your year. Make this Sweet 16 the year of black love.