I need to know, when did "Netflix & Chill" become the new normal? Is this the standard we are setting for ourselves in the pursuit of ever lasting love? Now, don't get me wrong...I have often been accused of living in fairy tale land when it comes to my ideas of romantic notions, but surely it isn't completely absurd for one to still expect to be courted nowadays, is it?
I long for the love I am lucky enough to post on the @luvblacklove Instagram account. Of course each and every one of those relationships has probably had their ups and downs but both parties put in the work to make it. As someone in the dating pool there are several "approaches" that I have never been able to accept. I expect that if someone wants my time and attention, they will be willing to work for it. In the age of side chicks and instant gratification, I know for every "me" there is a girl who is more than willing to be "down" and make my potential suitors life easy. However I say anything worth having is never easy to get. Here are a few dating deal breakers I will never let go of.
Don't get me wrong...I am all about the quickness and convenience of texts and IM. In fact, the introvert in me sometimes prefers it especially in the beginning stages. It allows me to think about what I want to say to sound witty, flirty, or smart! However, this cannot be the ONLY form of communication and especially cannot be the method of choice when asking someone out on a date for the first time or when building a relationship. I love waking up to a good morning text, but I also want to know we are able to carry on a conversation live! When the time comes to invite the object of your affection out on a date, make sure to pick up the phone! The small effort will be much appreciated.
A Man with a Plan
Right or wrong, I believe that if a man really wants you, he will work hard to show it, and that means putting some real effort into planning dates and doing things to make you feel special. There is nothing worse than a guy finally asking you out, but then having no idea what to do with you! Fellas, I think it is fantastic to want to ensure that your date will enjoy what you have planned, but there is a way to do it that looks like you have put in time, thought and attention. Suggest an activity be it dinner and a play, a picnic, whatever (Google an idea if need be!!). Hopefully because you have been talking to each other you will have some ideas of her likes. If you are concerned give options! I recall a girlfriend telling me about her first date with a new man and he had made reservations at 3 different restaurants to ensure that he could take her somewhere she would like. On the flip side I personally, along with several girlfriends, have been subjected to the "what do you want to do" dude. If you have invited me out of me house, I made sure to beat my face and ensure I am snatched...please do not also make me suggest the restaurant, coffee shop, or activity too. It might sound old school, but women love a man with a plan. It shows a level of thoughtfulness, and effort that is quickly becoming lost.
Netflix & Chill....
Netflix and chill while a cute hashtag and a "funny cuz its true" slang, is not appropriate for the beginning stages of dating. If we have just started getting to know each other (as in have not been on a date, or only for coffee - we all know that's the pre-date date lol), inviting me over to "watch a movie" or Netflix and Chill just lets me know you are not serious about me being in your life for anything more than a physical relationship and you don't value me or my time enough to make an effort. To me, there is no reason that this is a date option of choice until you have established at least a regular dating status. If funds are low there are lots of fun activities that can be planned that do not require a cent! (or very little at least). This ties back to the point above about planning. If the best he can come up with is come by my place and we'll watch Netflix, he may not be worth your time, or your cookie.
Still looking for your black love? Sound off! What are your dating deal breakers? Boo'd up? What did your significant other do to let you know they were worth a chance? Comment below!