All my single ladies (all my single ladies! Sorry…couldn’t help myself), my black men…heck, even some of my happy couples…how many of us are tired of hearing this question? Fielding this debate?
As a single black woman, living in a city where blacks (and black love) was the vast minority, I too suffered from this internal debate, as well as being surrounded by messages from my peers, media, movies, etc that our men just don’t want us. In fact, that became the motivation for Luvblacklove! I refused to believe that the messages I was receiving about black love being a thing of the past were true. Sure everywhere I turned in my neighbourhood was an interracial couple, every hashtag I hit for #cutecouples #datenight #love etc yielded no results that looked like me. But I wouldn’t give up.
When Luvblacklove was started I defaulted to posting up a few pics of celebrity couples. I recall clicking on the #blacklove hashtag looking for real life couples and was surprised at the small
amount of pictures (in comparison to other tags) it had. I remember remarking that the hashtag for the n-word had more tags and how disappointed I was. But not to be discouraged I pressed on. Slowly @Luvblacklove began to grow and so did my realization to the true answer to my question posed above. FICTION.
There are so many really amazing black men out there that are currently uplifting and celebrating their queen, or are looking for a queen to call their own. I see it everyday when our beautiful KINGS contact me with photos with lovely captions of why they wish to celebrate their Queens. I am encouraged when I see black men commenting (respectfully) on the pictures of black women and celebrating their beauty. And most importantly I see it in action when black men are searching for and seeking out the opportunity to meet a wonderful black woman to call their own.
I was recently asked to organize a black love dating event and in the preparation stages for this event the number of black men reaching out and expressing interest in participating was such a refreshing change to the narrative that our men don’t love us. What needs to change is the mentality of both parties. Single black women were approaching expressing their fear that black men wouldn’t be interested, while black men feel the same. We need to overcome what media has taught us about our community and realize we both want the same thing: each other.
To all my singles, I encourage you today, this week, this month, to push those negative thoughts aside as much as they try to dominate, and smile at the next king/queen you see; don’t assume the worst, they may just be looking for that hint that it is ok to approach. We have all long suffered the brainwashing that has separated us and it is up to us to rewrite that narrative and change our outlook. Sure, there may still be the few lost sheep, but I am confident that 9 times out of 10 we are each just looking for reassurance that we will be accepted. Go out there and Luv Black Love!