…It just may not appear as the one we always envisioned.
I am notorious for historically having a highly romanticized idea of what love and romance looks like. Not sure if that is because of my awkward black girl nature making it impossible for me to have a lot of real actual relationships of my own as a teen or into my early twenties, or because I didn’t have access to real examples of positive love, but whether it was the grand, sweeping gestures, proclamations of love, or the way two lovers look at each other, I admit my imagination has often been a very Disneyland princess perspective of what I thought love would look like when I tripped and fell into it (I blame Ariel…).
Age, growth, experience and loads of disappointment along the way I have come to realize something: we CAN get our fairy tale happy ending that my friends have tried VERY hard to talk me out of. Caveat; it just doesn’t always come packaged as we may have imagined.
I’ve reflected a lot on my own relationships since I returned home from my cousins wedding as I got to spend a few days immersed in their love bubble. I look at her situation and growing up her “fairytale” would never have been starting a relationship with the then separated father of three kids. Riding the ups and downs of a contentious divorce or even fearing someone jumping up at the wedding when asked if there is anyone who knows of reason these two should not be married. Phew! Yes he is the literal tall, dark, and handsome that many women would swoon to and with an amazingly kind personally to match; but that came with baggage.
How many of us are willing to help carry that baggage to get us to our happy ending? What potentially amazing men and women could we be passing by because we “don’t date men/women with kids”, need a six figure income, don’t want to deal with “ex” drama or have some other flaw in our fairytale holding us back?
I can tell you that in my cousins’ experience their courtship was not without its bumps. But being willing to see what their version of the fairytale could be like helped them endure, grow and flourish as a couple and into holy matrimony. Not just the two of them, but as a blended harmonious family.
I love seeing, hearing about, and celebrating the “perfect” couples, but sometimes I love the perfectly imperfect ones just a little bit more. They are the ones who provide the true motivation. Everything doesn’t always fall perfectly into place for most of us allll the way along the journey. Of course fate takes its hand and puts us in the right place (or some of us may say wrong as we reflect on our exes! lol) to meet a certain person, be it for a reason, a season or a lifetime; but what happens along the way is not always a straight shoot but a wild, winding journey.
With all this being said though there is always space to misinterpret every relationship book, quote or blog about accepting imperfections into justification for accepting less than we deserve. NO. That is not an option.
- Yes, give that single dad a chance, or the career woman who hasn’t been in a relationship for 4 years. Just because this doesn’t fit your checklist does not mean there is not a queen/king in your presence.
- No, do not allow disrespect or clear actions of someone who is NOT working towards the same end goals as you to be misconstrued as “part of the process”. Navigating rough terrain *together* is different than your partner throwing stones in your path.
- No, do not give up your wants, needs and desires for a “fairytale”. If you are a woman who loves her man to surprise her with flowers and spend romantic quality time, tell bae! If he truly loves you he will want to make the effort to make those fantasies come true. But remember men are not women and women not men…heck every single one of use crazy humans is unique so when he/she does try, see the prince charming in it… even when they have gone “off script”
- Yes, release yourself of high expectations. Or at least of those higher than those you would be able provide to the relationship yourself. Spiritually, materially, emotionally. We cannot look at our relationships as a “come up” on every level. Our relationships should lift us higher, mutually.
- Remember that someone who is ready, truly loves you and knows your worth will NOT risk losing you. This includes doing what they need to see you, not allowing you to be disrespected by exes and taking clear action that despite the bumps in the road that final destination is your own personal paradise.
True happiness is out here for all of us. I truly believe it. Not every relationship will end the way we thought, want or predicted but that is because that was not your ending. I witnessed a fairytale last week. I saw two people who looked at each other like magic. Pure magic. That magic was put through many tests and endured to give us fireworks.