Happy Sunday Luvs!
On this beautiful soulful Sunday I wanted to chat about this simple gem of relationship advice that applies to ALL relationships (friends, families, partners, business). So, many of you already know about the golden rule. The golden rule being "Do unto others as you would have done unto you". But really that approach fails to take into consideration the feelings, needs, wants and desires of the other person! It assumes that what we want for ourselves must be what other people want for themselves too!
But really how narcissictic is that?! And to think so many of us have been taught this from young, growing up with this rule so ingrained it is often the first justification for our behaviour and choices.
But the "platinum rule" puts a spin on this. The platinum rule suggests we "do unto others what THEY wish done unto them". Genius right? Seems pretty simple!
But so often we are not doing this, so our continued efforts into doing things to or for someone else that they don’t in fact want done, means we are putting time, energy and probably very good intention, into something that is having no payoff. And in fact it may be causing more harm than good.
You may be doing all these things for your partner and cant figure out why he wont reciprocate. You may be asking yourself "Why am I putting so much energy into what this relationship needs but he is not meeting me half way?". Well really you are putting energy into your own needs and hoping that if he sees it he will want to pull his weight and do the same. The part we fail to realize is that we are not meeting him halfway, or even part way, on HIS needs. We are filling our own and that is why we are not getting the results that we want.
And of course the same is in reverse. If our man is doing all these “things’ but none of these “things” actually address what we may be needing from our partner be it time, a change in behaviour, whatever, none of that effort he is making for us actually makes a lick of difference. The same issues and fights resurface again and again because no ones needs are being met.
So our homework for this week luvlies is to put this practice into action. Again it is not just if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband etc. this is beneficial to ALL your relationships.
Take some time and journal it if that helps as well. But think about the key relationships in your life or ones where there are often rubs. Think about your business dealings and where they are not as fruitful as you may wish. Then try to change your perspective to determine what it is they need from you.
This does not equal being a doormat or that your needs or feelings don’t matter. But this is creating an environment where they see that you value them enough to want to make them happy, and if they are a good person, their behaviour shifts to want to do the same.
Their basic needs are satisfied so they can now see the needs of those around them and actually direct their energies towards you to the areas it needs to go based on your needs and not what they think they want for you. We want to really look at what makes someone tick and how to best go about interacting with them to get the best results.
Try this as a way to reduce conflict in your life and let us know your results. Would love to hear from you; Comment below!